Why Parents Should Practice Not Having!"

Entitlemania is a state of mind where children believe they should have anything they want, while also believing they shouldnt have to make the effort to get it. It aptly describes the me generation we find so prevalent today. It gives parents much consternation and confusion to decipher who is at fault for incubating this virus of expectations in our kids, and more importantly, how to eradicate it. But be cautious. Children imitate what they see. What they hear from parents is often far from what they see their parents modeling.

Entitlemania is caused by a combination of two things. The first is giving too much. Unearned benefits and easily gained rewards wound a childs drive and dulls their incentive to achieve. The second is taking away their struggle. We all want to show love to our kids, but in the process, our love often highjacks our good judgment and parenting skills. We overlook the hard lessons that should be taught by parents, and instead, acquiesce to the good feelings that come with being buddies or best friends to our kids. Part of our desire to remove our kids struggle comes from our own childhood experiences which we often remember as both painful and frustrating.

The mature parent embraces the struggle of their kids as an opportunity for them to learn and grow as individuals. Easier said than done. Our actions and example dont always follow what we preach. Allowing your kids to struggle often includes simply saying no to things they want. This permits them the time to become resourceful and creative on their own, to engage and evaluate the importance of a desire, to weigh and shuffle the priorities of obtaining the things they want, and finally, how to get them. Other times struggle includes dilemmas or conflicts without immediate solutions.

If children see a parent having whatever they desire, that will become the childs programming . . . no matter what you say. Walking your talk is crucial. Children dont appreciate that you have spent a lifetime working toward having some of the things you want. Children are oblivious to your historical struggles and how the slightest things you want and obtain bring you satisfaction because you have worked so hard in the past. You do not ignore the appreciation you have for each and every thing you have. Would you being willing to not have some of the things you want in order to teach your kids the benefits of restraint? Pause before you lie to yourself. Its harder than you think. We are a culture that specializes in turning wants into needs. The key is learning to know the difference. The real lesson you can teach is deferring the purchase of extraneous things that are not needs, like the newest LED smart television, a new recliner sofa, a new automobile when the old car runs just fine, the perfect pair of new shoes, Amazon Prime, Netflix , wireless headphones, a new set of golf clubs, a new purse, new bedding, or going out to dinner. These are the visible teaching opportunities your children will take note of, as opposed to your declining peripheral desires you have marginal intention of pursuing anyway.

Here is an exercise that may change the life of your family. Analyze each thing you consider buying and ask, Is this a necessity, or just something I want? If it is a want, as opposed to a need, then pause and practice saying no! to yourself. If your kids are around, say it out loud! They may think you are nuts for a minute, but then explain, This is something our family would love to have . . . but we dont need it. So Im going to say no to having it. If you repeat this exercise a few times, you have likely dispatched one of your best parenting efforts. Each time you repeat this, it gets a little easier. Your children will notice. Given your new credibility, you can genuinely apply the same wisdom to the things your kids want you to buy for them. Do you remember our own parents offering an explanation for things they refused to buy us? No way! No means NO!

Would you be willing to say no thanks to one of your bucket list items? One of my clients overheard me telling somebody that driving a Ferrari for a weekend getaway was on my personal bucket list. One day in my office, he handed me the keys to his Ferrari Italia and said, Take it for the week, or even a month. I never drive it! I thought about it for a long while, and then handed him back the keys. No thank you! Now, a little confused, he inquired if taking a weekend trip with my wife, up the coast in a convertible Ferrari was one of my great desires? I confirmed it was, but told him I realized in this moment, that fulfilling my dream would take away something I had wanted and spoken of for most of my adult life. Sometimes, dreaming about having something; an unfulfilled want, is actually better than having it. I replied, Living the dream is not always as satisfying or long lasting as wanting the dream. My kids heard about this exchange and it has been a family legend ever since! A wonderful opportunity to model not having.

Entitlemania can be found at most socioeconomic levels. Take for instance the twelve-year-old whose family owns a private jet. The first time she flies commercial she looks around and asks, Why are there other people on our airplane? In contrast, a single mother of six with two jobs, buys her twelve year old son Nike sneakers that cost $135, and subscribes to a $185 per month premium cable package to keep her kids entertained. And she finds it difficult to pay her monthly rent!

It is hard to fathom that conspicuous consumption can occur anywhere; with the super-rich, and even amongst some you would think could only spend on needs. The truth is, parenting calls for self-sacrifice. Sometimes it is okay for parents not to have everything they desire. Needing may be stressful, but wanting is sometimes a good thing. Modeling this principle to your kids is indelible.

Start practicing! You are only a couple of thousand NOs! away from raising independent and self-sufficient adults. It wont be easy, but the self-satisfaction you will experience from raising fiscally responsible and well-adjusted children who grow to adulthood will bring a smile of pride to your face for the rest of your life.

By Richard Watts, author of Entitlemania: How Not to Spoil Your Kids, And What to Do If You Have and Fables of Fortune: What Rich People Have That You Dont Want

Website: www.entitlemania.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bookentitlemania

Twitter: @richwatts