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Posted: 2017-10-21T20:19:47Z | Updated: 2017-10-22T02:27:14Z WRITER'S BLOCK | HuffPost

WRITER'S BLOCK

WRITER'S BLOCK
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I havent posted anything on this site for more than two months because Ive had a monster of a writers block. I mean try as I would, I couldnt come up with anything. It was as if the words were teasing me, staying just out of reach. In fact, I did find an adjective hiding under one of the sofa cushions.

I tried all my usual tricks to snap myself out of the block. I put on one of my wifes summery dresses and strolled through the neighborhood, alternating between short and long strides. Nothing. I went to the gym. I didnt do anything there. I just went. Didnt help. I tried automatic writingsitting at the computer and typing without censoring myself. Heres what I came up with: qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmwhydoeseveryonehatethejews.

I had several emergency sessions with my therapist. He suggested that my block was a defense mechanism to protect against the pain of failure. When I expressed some doubt, he reminded me how poorly my last three efforts were received. The New York Times Book Review called my collection of short stories, a labor that would have better been aborted, and my own wife used my novelette as kindling. As for my poetry collection, Ill Give You A Rhyme If Youll Give Me A Dime, Id rather not talk about it.

My therapist had another thought about what might have happened to my creative spark. He reminded me what the French writer Balzac said after a post-coital orgasm: There goes another novel. No, I said sadly. Its definitely not too much sex. Masturbation counts, too, he replied. In that case, I said, there go twenty novels, seven stage plays, three books of sonnets, and a light opera.

In the end it was my wife who gave me the idea that turned everything around. She suggested that, like Thoreau, I turn to nature for inspiration. I spent several days in Yosemite. Despite the jaw-dropping beauty of the place, the only idea it inspired in me was to free climb El Capitan until halfway up I remembered that I know absolutely nothing about climbing. A couple of hours later is when the bear mauled me.

Only part of it was my fault. Yes, they have signs all over warning you not to leave food in the car, but nowhere is it posted that you should not sit in your car covered in honey.

But the mauling turned out to be a good thing. It was during the two weeks in intensive care, that I finally broke through the block. I came up with a really clever idea for a television series. Its called I.C.U. Its a drama set in the intensive care unit of a major hospital. Not only are we in discussions with Netflix , but Kristen Stewart has expressed interest in the part of the blood pressure cuff.

And so the dam was broken and the ideas began flowing again. In fact, Im on something of a roll. My agent called just this morning with great news: Dreamworks bought the screen rights to qwertyuiopasdfghijklzxcvbnmwhydoeseveryonehatethejews.

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