You Call This A Love Song?

I want to talk for a minute about a popular love song from my youth thats bothered me for nearly 60 years. The song is You Got What It Takes, sung by Marv Johnson, written by Tyran Carlo, Gwen Fuqua, Berry Gordy, Jr., and Marv Johnson, and released in 1959.

Heres the first verse:

You don't drive a big fast car, no

You don't look like a movie star

And on your money we won't get far

But baby, you got what it takes

What kind of love song is this?! You don't drive a big fast car, no/ You don't look like a movie star/ And on your money we won't get far. This is how you serenade your lady love? This is your idea of wooing? Youve just told the girl you love that her car sucks and shes ugly and shes poor. Hey, I know. Why not throw in her teeth are yellow and shes got a big ass? That would really win her over! What does this guy say to people he doesnt like? And when he tells her shes got what it takes, what exactly is that, because it better be damn good to make up for the poverty, crap car, and face like a fish.

Turns out he was being Mr. Nice Guy in the first verse. Heres the second:

Now you don't live in a beautiful place

You don't dress with the best of taste

And nature didn't give you such a beautiful face

But baby, you got what it takes

This lady didnt have enough problems, now we learn she lives in a rundown home, she cant dress herself, and shes even worse looking than we thought!

I dont think Im going out on a limb here to call this a dysfunctional relationship. Pimps generally have nicer things to say about their girls. I dont know if theres such a thing as song lyric abuse, but if there is, this lady is surely a victim. May I humbly suggest there are some self-esteem issues at play here. Yes, its nice that he periodically acknowledges that youve got what it takes, but does that really compensate for the rest? I dont think so.

And what is his deal? Yes, we know he has a masochistic streak. But at the same time, he seems to take an almost strutting pride in the fact that hes dating someone whos, by his own description, poverty stricken, poorly dressed, and hideous looking. What is that about?

Clearly, we are dealing with two very disturbed people. This is a double-date you dont want any part of! At the very least, if these two insist on remaining together, I strongly recommend intensive couples therapy, and above all, no more composing love songs until cleared by a mental health professional!

Next time, well discuss an even more perverse long song, Jimmy Souls 1963 classic, If You Wanna Be Happy (written by Joseph Royster, Carmella Guida, and Frank Guida). Here are two verses to contemplate until then:

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life

Never make a pretty woman your wife

So for my personal point of view

Get an ugly girl to marry you

Don't let your friends say you have no taste

Go ahead and marry anyway

Though her face is ugly, her eyes don't match

Take it from me, she's a better catch