Your Body Talks

How body language influences the conversation.

Your posture conveys a wealth of information that lets people know whether youre interested/ bored; available/ distracted; pleased/ displeased; or dangerous/ friendly. Research has shown that nonverbal postural cues register in the body before they register in the mind. Tuning in to the underlying postural message is linked to your survival and success. Its also a good way to increase your emotional intelligence.

When conversing, its important to pay attention and respond to the words and the body. Chances are, you already do this with facial expression. For instance, if someones eyes look sad, you automatically soften the tone a bit. If the forehead is scrunched, youre inclined to explain more thoroughly. If the jaw is set, you may want to slow down and negotiate. Although less obvious, postural expression is just as important. Whether the body appears open or closed (upright or slumped) relays a message of confidence, status, receptivity, or not. It just makes sense that if you want to deliver a message of availability, you wouldnt cross your arms and slump down. In the normal course of relating, these messages may go unnoticed but they still have a profound impact. Check it out.

Pay attention to postural expressions over the next couple of days, yours and theirs. Dont stare or listen to the words, just evaluate the body talk. Glance at a stranger in a crowd room or across the restaurant. Go through your Facebook photos and take a quick look on Snapchat. Here are some things to observe:

hands on hips, fingers open or curled

arms stretched out or arms crossed over belly

head lowered, eyes averted, hand covering mouth

standing on one leg, sitting with legs crossed

heart space open or compressed

jaw soft or hard

Interpreting body talk has as much to do with how it makes you feel as any experts list. But, to stimulate your imagination, speaking coach Fred Miller offers these common assessments: Easy, upright posture conveys a message of leadership and confidence; whereas hunched shoulders convey lack of confidence and possibly low self-esteem. Leaning slightly forward indicates that you care; while slouching to one side says you dont. Crossed arms can appear defensive, self-protective, or closed off. Hands on hips could say a person is in control and at the ready; or it may be a sign of aggressiveness. Clasping hands and tapping fingers indicate boredom or impatience. Crossed legs might indicate unavailability or a need for privacy.

Being responsive to a postural message can make the difference between a good encounter and a failure. In addition to increasing your non-verbal vocabulary, becoming fluent in body language is a good way to improve your personal and professional relationships.

Here are some ways to make sure your posture is sending a positive message:

Occupy your entire personal space including above your head and below your feet to send a message of conscious awareness.

Balance on your full foot/ pelvis to send a message of grounded confidence.

Keep your shoulders and lips relaxed to give a message of openness.

Face your audience to deliver a message of full attention.

Imagine open lines of communication between heads and hearts to encourage a message of connection.

Focus your mind on your body rather than your next comment to convey a message of interest.

Breathe fully to reinforce a message that you are present and listening.

Even if youre texting or talking on Bluetooth, your positive posture will help you stay focused, respond accurately, and make a good impression. If we can hear a smile in a tone of voice, perhaps we also hear the fullness of posture. Even if the listener cant see it, your relaxed, open posture just sounds more confident and connected.

Whether youre with a colleague, a friend, or a romantic interest, including the body in the conversation increases both effectiveness and intimacy. So, shake it up. Let your conscious body bring in a fresh look thats aligned with your intentions. This could be the most important thing you do to assure success in all of your relationships.