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Posted: 2018-07-17T20:17:31Z | Updated: 2018-08-09T13:15:31Z How To Talk About Your Mental Health When No One Wants To Listen | HuffPost Life

How To Talk About Your Mental Health When No One Wants To Listen

Because you deserve to be heard.
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Opening up with phrases like I need to speak with you, I need your help, or Please listen to me before you say anything can help you to start a conversation about mental health with your loved ones.

According to the American Psychiatric Association, people from racial and ethnic minority groups are less likely to receive mental health care  than the rest of the U.S. population.

Communities of color often lack adequate access to medical treatment for mental illnesses. They also face challenges like higher levels of stigma, misinformation and language barriers .

“While an individual may have their own [mixed feelings] toward how they think about mental health, it is then intertwined within the views that were being expressed within their household, school, work and so on,” said Shari Fedra , a licensed clinical social worker based in Brooklyn, New York.

But those barriers can be broken down. HuffPost asked several psychologists and mental health care providers who primarily treat patients of color how to have an effective and serious conversation about mental health and why it’s so hard to talk about in the first place. Here’s their advice:

Seeking professional help is OK even if it doesn’t seem like it.

June Cao , a New York-based clinical psychologist who specializes in working with Asian-Americans, said that one of her clients shared that silence was the default mode of communication between her family members.

“Her parents told her over and over that she just needed to endure and tough through, then her depression would be gone,” Cao said.

Cao’s patient is part of a larger trend: Asian-Americans are three times less likely to seek mental health services than whites, according to the American Psychological Association

Karen Caraballo , a clinical psychologist working with Latino families in Brooklyn, said that because of the significant value placed on family, many members of the Latino community do not seek outside help for mental health problems. 

“Latinos are expected to rely on [immediate] family, extended family, church, el curandero and friends,” Caraballo said. (A curandero  is a spiritual guide within a community that people go to when they are sick.) “We are expected to keep our problems within our inner circle.”

Knowing when to see a medical professional for your mental health is important because the longer you go untreated, the more potential consequences could arise, including the worsening of your symptoms. 

“The pressure to hide your problems could make you more fearful of your mental illness and cause you to isolate yourself,” Cao said. “Transparency and awareness is probably the most successful way to overcome this fear.”

Assert the importance of conversation.

When dealing with friends or family members who aren’t as open to talking about your experiences or getting professional help, Cao suggested that you should genuinely and assertively request a conversation by using phrases like “I need to speak with you,” “I need your help,” or “Please listen to me before you say anything.”

B. Nilaja Green , a licensed clinical psychologist based in Atlanta, said that you should find a time to speak to your loved ones when they are calm and you can have their full attention.

“Be as transparent with them as possible about what you’re experiencing, how these experiences are impacting you, and why you believe the experiences are serious enough to warrant outside intervention,” Green said.  

Use language that your loved one can understand.

When discussing a topic as sensitive as mental health, you want to make sure that you communicate in a way that makes sense for both the person you’re talking to and yourself.

Cao recommended doing this by avoiding general and weighted vocabulary such as “mental disorder” or “abnormal,” as this may reintroduce the feeling of shame associated with these terms. Instead, try starting the conversation by talking about any physical symptoms you may be feeling, such as a loss in appetite or insomnia that will help break the ice.  

“You may find it easier to communicate about physical symptoms first, like insomnia and appetite changes, because there is no stigma or shame attached,” Cao said. 

It’s also important that you communicate in a tone that makes you sound open to receiving feedback if that is your goal of the conversation. 

“We often notice another person’s resistance without being mindful of our own resistances,” Fedra said. “Create an open [atmosphere] within your communication style by being mindful of your words, tone and feelings.”

Religion and mental health support aren’t mutually exclusive.

One of the main reasons mental health usually isn’t openly talked about within the black community is because of the reliance on religious beliefs to solve or fix mental health issues without considering additional supportive resources, Green said. 

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, only about 25 percent of African Americans seek mental health care , compared to 40 percent of whites.

“I have heard clients share that family members and friends have either undermined them going to treatment and/or referred them back to the church as their most appropriate source for healing and help,” Green explained.

If religion is a major part of your family’s lifestyle, Green said that you could inform your loved ones that there are resources that cater to families with religious backgrounds. 

“There are counselors and therapists of varying religious backgrounds who integrate their faith into the work,” Green said. “Even if you do not want to go to a therapist who identifies themselves in a particular way, most therapists have training that allows them to appreciate and respect the religious beliefs of their clients.” 

Take advantage of outside resources.

If you are absolutely unable to talk to relatives or friends about the state of your mental health, there are several other options to choose from.

“Seek professional help from a psychologist, psychotherapist, mental health
counselors who speak your language and understand your cultural background,” Cao recommended. 

If you believe you’ll have trouble paying for treatment, Cao said you can seek help from hospitals and clinics that offer appointments on a sliding scale  adjusted for income. There are also online options and free alternatives that can still be helpful, like support groups. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America created a list of support groups throughout the U.S. that you can filter by group name or support topic. 

Bottom line: Own your experiences and know that a living with a mental health condition doesn’t make you “weak.” The more you talk about it, the more people will start to pay attention. Experts agree that open communication can play a vital role in eliminating the shame and stigma surrounding mental health. 

“Simply talking about your situation and illness to someone understanding may reduce some of the stress you have,” Cao said. “It can also help your loved ones to understand you better and relieve their concerns about you.”

Before You Go

11 Times Black Celebs Opened Up About Dealing With Mental Health Issues
Michelle Williams(01 of11)
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In 2013, the former Destiny's Child member revealed that she has been battling depression since she was a teenager. "We're taught, 'Just go to church and pray about it. The Lord is going to heal you,'" Williams told HuffPost at the time.

"Well, in the meantime, I believe God-gifted people, physicians, doctors, therapists that's your healing. Take advantage of it," she said. "Go see a professional so that they can assess you. It's OK if you're going through something. Depression is not OK, but it is OK to go get help."
(credit:Raymond Boyd via Getty Images)
Brandon Marshall(02 of11)
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Marshall, a wide receiver for the New York Giants and founder of the mental health initiative Project 375 , opened up about his ongoing experience with borderline personality disorder in a 2015 HuffPost blog .

We need to accept that mental illness is a disease and like any other disease, it needs stronger research, early screening and treatment, especially for young people, the athlete wrote.
(credit:Cindy Ord via Getty Images)
Alicia Keys(03 of11)
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In a 2007 interview with People , Keys revealed that she has dealt with depression in the past. I was feeling so sad all the time, and I couldnt shake it, Keys said.

I started burying my feelings, and it got to a point where I couldnt even tell my family or my friends, Im twisted, or Im exhausted, or Im so angry. I became a master of putting up the wall so that I was unreadable, she said.

The singer-songwriter said she had to "learn to let go" in order to get through it.
(credit:Phil McCarten / Reuters)
Wayne Brady(04 of11)
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Wayne Brady has been very vocal about his depression throughout the years. In a 2014 interview on ET , the comedian admitted that he'd suffered a debilitating mental breakdown.

"Having a bad day is one thing, having a bad week is another, having a bad life You don't want to move, you can't move in the darkness," Brady explained.

It took me a while to get my stuff together to go, You know what? If youre not happy, you have to do something about it," the comedian added.

Just to admit that you are feeling this way is a huge step," he said. "To claim that, to say, Why do I feel dark? Why do I feel unhappy? Let me do something about this.
(credit:Paul Archuleta via Getty Images)
Metta World Peace(05 of11)
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Metta World Peace, the basketball player formerly known as Ron Artest, has been very public about how his sports psychologist saved his life.

Speaking with ESPN in 2015, Peace explained: "Everybody has different issues, good or bad, that they carry with them on the court. It affects you. And for me, it affected me to where sometimes I would be overly aggressive and, in other ways, it would affect people to where they can't perform on the court."

"I was always able to perform, but sometimes I would act out and I wanted to see a sports psychologist," he continued. "Because to me, I didn't need a psychologist to get my mind right. I needed a psychologist to help me perfect what I love, and I can't perfect it when I'm on the bench or when I'm getting suspended because I'm playing upset."
(credit:Jason LaVeris via Getty Images)
Lisa Nicole Carson(06 of11)
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Lisa Nicole Carson, best known for her role on the '90s hit TV show "Ally McBeal," revealed in 2015 that she took a decade-long hiatus from Hollywood due to complications with bipolar disorder.

Carson wrote in Essence , "Im tackling the myth that African-American women have to be pillars of strength. We have the right to fall. We have the right not to always have our sh*t together. We just have to take our mental health as seriously as we do the physical. Do not be afraid to go to a therapist or a doctor to make sure everything is fine."
(credit:S. Granitz via Getty Images)
Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson(07 of11)
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Known for his charm and his thousand-watt smile, Johnson has discussed his darker moments with depression in the past. "I didn't know what it was," the actor told The Hollywood Reporter of his first bout of depression in his 20s. "I didn't know why I didn't want to do anything. I had never experienced anything like that."

On a 2015 episode of "Oprah's Master Class ," Johnson said that he got through depression by realizing that he wasn't alone.

Have faith that on the other side of your pain is something good, he said.
(credit:Miami Herald via Getty Images)
DMX(08 of11)
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The rapper has had a long and public battle with bipolar disorder and drug addiction. In 2011, he spoke candidly with ABC News about his ongoing struggle, saying:

I used to be really clear on who was what and what characteristics each personality had. But I dont know at this point. Im not even sure there is a difference. Im Earl when Im with my children. I miss my children," the rapper said.

He added that, though he still struggles, God has been a big part of his healing process.

Every day, I start my day off with a prayer, ask God to guide my steps. Cover me and keep me safe."
(credit:John Lamparski via Getty Images)
Janet Jackson(09 of11)
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In 1998, Jackson told The Washington Post that she struggled with depression throughout her early career, and made the mistake of not reaching out for help.

I remember, even after the Rhythm Nation tour in 1990, when I was in my early 20s, I was really bummed out," Jackson said.

"Looking back on it now, it was depression," she said. "But it hits a lot of people and a lot of artists and I didn't know that. Nobody ever talked about that in my family I still havent talked to anybody in my family about it.
(credit:JC Olivera via Getty Images)
Jennifer Lewis(10 of11)
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Jennifer Lewis, one of Hollywood's most beloved character actors, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder two decades ago.

"It's hard to accept that you have a problem," Lewis told NewsOne about her diagnosis.

"That's another piece of the disease the denial," she added. "You think everyone cries themselves to sleep. You should ask yourself why am I so depressed, why am I so angry with my children, angry with my partner why am I depressed, or over the top?"

Lewis, who currently stars on "Black-ish," says that one must practice self-love in order to overcome mental illness: "You have to look in the mirror and say, before you can go or grow into anything, you have to say you love yourself."
(credit:Axelle/Bauer-Griffin via Getty Images)
Kid Cudi(11 of11)
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In October 2016, Kid Cudi shared a deeply candid Facebook post in which he wrote about his struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts.

"It took me a while to get to this place of commitment, but it is something I have to do for myself, my family, my best friend/daughter and all of you, my fans," Cudi wrote.

"Yesterday I checked myself into rehab for depression and suicidal urges," he continued. "I am not at peace. I haven't been since you've known me."

The post sparked an important conversation about mental health in the black community, especially among black men.
(credit:Andrew Chin via Getty Images)

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